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| NAME: |
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Jeff Meatlad Schoenhard |
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| CITY: |
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Berkeley, CA |
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| COUNTRY: |
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USA |
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| RÉSUMÉ: |
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8/76-9/94 Was birthed. Duties included potty training, searching for porn.
9/94-7/98 Attended University of California at Santa Cruz
Achievements and duties: Practiced apathy, cynicism and regret. Viciously tore apart hippies verbally while growing strange fetish for their women.
At end of 4th year plea bargained incomplete in art class. 6 months later successfully convinced administrative paper-signer that signing paper was less work than alternatives such as evaluating performance. Got BA.
7/98-5/99 Began thinking about meaning of life. Got bored, went to Honduras. Realized happiness lay in working for faceless corporations.
Duties include: Hitchhiking, drinking margaritas in places where women are actually named Margarita, losing last childhood illusion, drinking margaritas in places where women are not named Margarita.
5/99-12/99 Left Oligarchy of United States of America for continents of Europe and Africa.
Duties include: Embracing the french, developing fetish for muslim women, collecting email addresses, taking photos noone finds as interesting as I do. Drinking margaritas in places you would be shot for calling a man Margarita.
12/99-12/00 Worked in sales for large brokerage firm.
Duties include: All memory of this period is strangely missing. As I walked into the interview, I looked down to find my resignation letter in my hand and a tear of joy in my eye. Recently found a small unrecognizable piece of metal imbedded in the back of my neck.
12/00-01/01 Rested. Drank margaritas in my underwear.
Achievements: Jumped off bridge into tree in multiple locations. Jumped off cliff into body of water of unknown depth. Jumped onto moving vehicle. Hellhole. Allowed homeless kids to convince me to hop freight train. Floated through white water without floatation device. Hitchhiked in war zone. Drove unregistered vehicle for 8 months. Loved a woman who barely spoke my language.
Ambitions: Board ships of Navy ship graveyard in Carquinez straight. Climb underside of Golden Gate bridge from peninsula side, drop onto net. Love a woman named Margarita.
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| RECRUITER'S NOTES: |
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Pending. |
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